I struggled for years, literally, on what I would use this blog as a platform for. Blogging has become fairly passé with time, and I knew I couldn’t hold my own interest, nonetheless that of a readership if I wasn’t dealing with things that truly interest me. Like with most things, when I first bought this domain in 2013 I texted my mom and told her. As always her response was, “go for it!”
As far back as I can remember I have been in awe of my mother and her abilities. I struggle to think of things she hasn’t excelled at. She has always been my primary source of support, courage, inspiration and love. As difficult as it can be to admit, during the toughest times in my life those were the reasons I would push her away… Because sometimes you’re just not ready to accept all of the unconditional love and support of a mother when the world has hurt you. Despite my running, I always found my way back in her arms, and her love would be waiting to surround me yet again.
During my youth it was hard for me to not notice I was maturing mentally a lot faster than my peers. My friends didn’t make sense, nor did their conversation, actions or decisions. I remember blaming this on my mom once in a fit of passion. Why couldn’t I just live carefree like everyone else, without a knowledge of consequence or right and wrong? In my mind that wasn’t by my own doing, it was because she had instilled in me too much of her. Ultimately, I would learn that to be incorrect.
What I failed to realize was that I had been blessed with a gift that, unfortunately, most young women do not receive. My mother had provided me with a network of equally empowered women, and they surrounded me in sisterhood. Beyond her own personal merits to instill powerful lessons inside of me, she had given me the opportunity to also view an equal love, support, and respect from other strong women. I cannot begin to tell you how this has impacted my life. Individually, these women have watched and nurtured me from baby Rachel to the woman I am today. Not only have these women believed in me since before I was worthy, they always loved me regardless of my faults.
It can be intimidating to be impacted so heavily by people who have obviously made the right decisions when it mattered. Not only do I want my mother and the network of women she built for me to continue to trust the woman I am growing into, I want them to be proud of who that is. In a generation where personal is almost never private, I struggle with who I am, who I want to be, and how I want to be perceived. Ultimately, I understand that I have always been Rachel, and have only ever struggled trying to be anything but.
That has become my direction for this blog. I have chosen to live my life with a purpose; and that purpose, quite simply, is to live.